Have you ever heard the saying “comparison is the thief of joy?” One of the enemy’s favorite tactics to use against women is to taunt us by comparing us to other women. “She’s got thinner hips than you, her breasts are fuller, her waist is smaller, her hair is shinier, her eyes are bigger, her legs are more toned” and on and on. Why does he do this? Because he can. Worse, we allow comparison to happen. Women are naturally good observers. We walk into a room of other females and can assess our own status in a matter of seconds. We have been trained by society to see what category we fall into, based on our looks and “presentation.”
Whenever I lead a retreat or workshop on body image, I ask the women to look around the room and see if they can find someone who looks like them. Inevitably, they cannot. “Okay, find someone with your exact hair color.” Still no matches. “Who has green eyes like I do? See if you can find someone with that exact color” As they walk around the room, it becomes very apparent that we were made by a very creative Creator. We’re our own work of art.
I can remember a particularly difficult time in my life when my self esteem and body image was at an all time low. I was a stay at home mom in a very difficult marriage and I spent a great deal of time repeating a constant barrage of nasty thoughts about myself, to myself. My mere reflection in the mirror confirmed all of the flaws and imperfections I heard taunting me every day.
One day as I stood in front of the mirror feeling defeated and angry that God had made me so imperfect, I heard a gentle Voice:
“I have made you unique.
Look at your beautiful smile.
No one else smiles like you.
I delight in you.
Look closely at your eyes.
They are a lovely shade of green”
As I looked for the first time at my face through His eyes, I began to tear up. I saw a brown freckle in my right eye that I had never noticed before. He really did make me to be unique. I heard these words and felt a deep remorse. I began to cry and ask God to forgive me for my vanity, my blindness and especially for believing these lies about myself. I began to realize the stronghold the enemy had gained because I had bought into the lie that I needed to look like someone else in order to be accepted and loved. The lie that I am not enough.
I am enough. You are enough.
When you fall into the trap of comparing yourself to other women several things happen. First, you’re forced to shut down your natural tendency to love and nurture others. Comparison brings out our competitive nature and this is generally when we are at our worst. When you compare, you are shutting down the sweet Spirit the Lord has given you and replacing it with the lies of the enemy. “She thinks she’s better than you” “She’s out to get you” “She’s got it all together” “You’ll never measure up to her.” Comparison is the thief of joy.
One of my favorite parts of the retreats I lead is when women share some of the lies they have believed and how believing those lies has effected them. As we go around the circle and share, I will stop the women at some point and have them notice the “themes” of these lies. We hear the same ones over and over: “You are not lovable” “You are fat, disgusting, ugly” “No one will ever want you” “You are too much” “You are unworthy” “You will never be good enough” “You are shameful.” And that’s just the tip of the iceberg.
During these discussions something incredible happens. We go around the circle and I have women speak truth to each other and share how they have experienced each woman during our time together. Women begin to share from their hearts. They begin to speak love and acceptance to each other. They use their gifts of discernment to speak blessings into places where women have believed curses. They do exactly what the enemy is afraid we will do. They use the gifts God has given us to help others become Free. You can see why the enemy is so invested in getting us to compare ourselves and judge others. He loses all ground when we step up as women of Truth and Love.
Allow yourself to stop the comparison and begin to speak truth into your beauty and the beauty of others. You are fearfully and wonderfully made.